Healing is like peeling an onion, with no knowledge of how big the onion actually is. I wonder if there will even be a day when there is nothing left to peel away?
Heal and Peel… Remembering words spoken by another that I believed could come true, but later realizing it was only a part of his fantasy world. Why did I keep falling for his mirage?
Heal and Peel… Being told that his words hadn’t been spoken at all, but that I was the one living in a fantasy world. Did I even know the difference between reality and make-believe?
Heal and Peel… Realizing that I had ignored the red flag of inconsistent behaviors. Kind one minute and cruel the next, easygoing flipping to controlling in rapid succession, a mouth speaking words of affirmation in one breath and searing criticism in another, able to gently joke and laugh with him in one moment and ripped apart for shaming him in the next. How could one person have two completely different sides, I thought Jekyll and Hyde was just a story?
Heal and Peel… Separating who he said I was with who God says I am, and then learning how to walk in an identity that won’t be getting twisted and spit on from one day to the next. Can I learn to be who I was created to be and actually learn to love myself?
Heal and Peel… Is love really love if it is both spoken and used as a weapon? Is love really love if you have to beg for it? Is love really love if it hurts deep inside and is rarely returned? Is love really love if I don’t know what it is at all?
Heal and Peel… If my Heavenly Father loves me, why did it take me 49 years to understand what real love was? How will he take the abuse I have endured and turn it to good?
Heal and Peel… Now that I have been rescued from the life that was slowly killing me and brought into a new life with a new love, how long will it take to unravel the knotted mess of thoughts, memories, and lessons learned so that I can guide others to healing and make a difference in this world?
The healing and peeling continues, with no end in sight…
(Originally posted on Facebook on August 21, 2024, by Steph)