God knows exactly what he’s doing, which should be automatically implied, I suppose, since he created each one of us and every single thing. But to bring two people together at the ages of 49 and 59, with decades of life experience, traumas, losses, and established patterns, that isn’t anything that I would have known to expect at this point in my life.
First off, to meet a man carrying a Pomeranian on an especially cold day, February 24, 2023, and then to offer him a ride, was unexpected. I don’t normally offer rides to people that I don’t know, actually, and I didn’t retract the invitation to him to get in the passenger seat even when I learned that he was simply walking to the business next door, because I wanted to remove his obstacle of walking around a large snow bank only to get wet shoes. Now that I’m thinking about it, the only explanation why that had never crossed my mind as being an odd thing to do is because I describe that day as a “Holy Spirit-filled day.” It somehow makes perfect sense to me that I would have gone to get a car wash, which happened to be closed because it was so cold, and then to immediately offer a man that I had never seen before a ride. It may have been his dog that made him look especially harmless, but I just did what came naturally to me, which was to do something small that would hopefully make someone’s day better. As he opened my door, his first comment was about his belated mother who had advised him not to take ride from strangers, but he said it with a genuine smile.
It was a particularly unique first meeting because I had filed for divorce earlier in January, just over a month before, and so of course my opening conversation to this man, that I had just picked up to give a thirty second ride to, was about that very subject. That’s certainly not a pick-up line, but I had no desire to put on any airs or attempt impress any man when my 29 year marriage (which would cross a 30th anniversary before final divorce papers would come back) had left me with a lot of emotional wounds and traumas still to process, even though I had been diving in deep to work on learning boundaries and healing for almost two years prior to our separation. So when this man remembered my maiden name and called my father, who was known in our rural Minnesota town because of his auction business, to ask him to pass along his information to me, I asked him every deal breaker question I could think of before even allowing a first date. I was hesitant to even call it a date because I simply wanted to have one opportunity to talk to him and see if there was any reason to communicate with him at all.
I would describe that first “date” as sufficiently awkward and uncomfortable for me since the last first date I had been on was 32 years earlier. A day and a half later he invited me and my daughter to spend the morning with him as he waited expectantly for a dog that he was watching at his sister’s house to have puppies. Together, he and I made tostadas for breakfast, did the dishes, and chatted. We shared a laugh as his family members that called were trying to figure out who this woman was that was having breakfast with this sloppily-dressed lifetime bachelor.
As we spent time together that first week, I was struck by the fact that this guy didn’t seem to be trying to impress me since he wore baggy sweatpants and a sweatshirt, both ratty and worn with holes. Nope, he didn’t care about impressing me, which actually appealed to me because it was such a contrast to the image-focused spouse that I had struggled with for three decades. As we talked throughout the week, I could see that his heart was kind, giving, full of faith, and honest, and that his communicative words actually matched his actions, all of which scored big points with me after the numerous disconnects in my marriage that was now ending.
God knows what we need, and he wants to provide that for us. The day after our first date, I felt led to order him a custom pendant with “Psalm 18” and “His way is perfect” inscribed on it, which I took from the verse, “As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him.” — Psalm 18:30 NIV. Only 8 days after our first “date,” I already knew that I loved him unconditionally, and I could see what God was doing in this friendship that was just beginning. I could picture him in my life, by my side, all the way to the end of my life.
God has given me a couple of visions that also have reassured me that we are on the right track together and building a firm foundation based on Jesus, friendship and sacrificial love, and I don’t have an ounce of doubt in me that we will do whatever it takes to work through the challenges in life together. When we have worked through hard things, we both bring it back to our foundation of faith, and we patiently and lovingly guide each other through difficult challenges that have arisen from a lifetime of experiences before meeting one another.
The understanding of the Power and the Glory of the Lord within me is so amazing that it often makes it hard to sleep, and I don’t even mind because I get to talk to God and think about all the blessings that he has given me throughout my life. I have learned how to both give and receive love, and learned that love was never designed to be conditional.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. — 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 NIV
There are seasons of Awakening, to God’s complete love, his unfailing goodness, his truth that never wavers, and his perfect plan and purpose for each of us before we were even born, and I was able to experience that in the first few months of our journey together. I am settling in now to a season of Abiding in God’s plan, because family members have been resistant to accepting this relationship which has been things difficult on us, we have worked through communicating about all things so that nothing gets pushed under the rug, and we have made sure that no matter what, our relationship with Jesus has to come first in order to make it through hard times. We rely on God for our strength, and in turn, are able to stand firmly together.
I have been blown away by God’s intense love for us, and I can see how he has been working in my life every step of the way. Soaking this all in often brings me more blessings than sleep does.
In case you find yourself lying awake too, listen to the song below and feel the love — that Jesus has for you, and that I do too. No expectations, no demands, and no catch… just pure unconditional love for you, as my Father is love, and he is in me.
I hope this song blesses you all.
I love you, Perry, in the most complete way that I have ever loved another human, and your sheer existence in this world is a gift to me. You need to do nothing except receive my love, just as you receive God’s love, and sit in the goodness that I know what it takes to be married for thirty years. I promise to treasure you, love you, and fight for you every day of my life. God’s timing is perfect, as it took me this long to learn what love truly is as well as to fully receive God’s love with my whole heart. I have learned hard lessons in my life, but I know now that nothing is wasted, and our Lord is an amazing and patient teacher! ~ ALL MY LOVE, STEPH
