The Lord has given me dreams and visions my whole life, and for the last two years, he has also given me the present-day words that weave a story about what his plan for humans has been all along. Holy Spirit reveals things to me and I continue to go deeper, layer by layer, as I spend time in prayer and reading the Bible. The amazing thing is that he can do this for each one of us if we allow it.
Being given the words to describe what I know in my heart but has never been taught to me by anyone is a surreal and humbling experience. Whether the thoughts start as a trickle and then the words flow out onto the screen like a rushing rapids in the middle of the night, or daytime quiet moments reveal a river of words in front of me as I type, I have been blessed to be a part of the experience of healing through writing.
It’s not about me, though, none of this life truly is, and we cannot allow ourselves to be tied to our plans and path. Our lives are our sacrifice to the God who created us, and he is the one that we are to surrender to daily for our every need. Most people don’t choose to do that and are missing out greatly on what God has for them, so read that last sentence again.
When people that are supposed to love you tell you that you are wrong, that it is all your fault, that you are worthless, that you are fat, that you are stupid, and on and on, you begin to believe that their silent treatment is a gift of love. When you’re in a house with someone who is a ticking time bomb of anger, when they’re not verbally attacking you, it is a reprieve from what you think you likely deserve, and a meal or time with family that happens without a blow up of anger and frustration is a success. Living on PINS AND NEEDLES is no way to live. WAITING FOR THE OTHER SHOE TO DROP is a feeling that those who live in a household of addiction, anger, and abuse know all too well.
When I surrendered everything that I had in early August 2022 because I felt like I was nothing but dust anyway, I truly began to live. BORN AGAIN was an understatement to how I began to feel when Jesus rescued me from a life peppered with verbal and emotional abuse and trauma. I had to climb out of the pit step by step, but I was never alone and he never left my side. I had to walk through the valley as I was under fire from all sides, but I was never alone. I had to climb up the mountain of healing as rocks rolled toward me in an avalanche, but he never left me. Throughout my journey of escape and healing, I have sometimes been carried on his wings, but other times I have been trapped in mud. Jesus has NEVER EVER left my side, though, and he has always shown me the way out when I lean into him and ask.
At 50 years old, I am finally on the other side of the only thing I knew as “normal” for my whole life…. praise the Lord! God is leading me, and I finally trust fully the love that he has had for me this whole time, even, and maybe especially, through all of my traumas, the abuse, the awful depression, and through all of the tears that I have shed in my lifetime. I have learned a lot, and I continue to learn every day, but God can really work through me now because I am no longer just “ME,” as I would sign my notes. I am the King of King’s Daughter. My life is the Lord’s.
Who I was is no longer, and who I am to become is up to God. Living fully surrendered is terrifying, exhilarating, freeing, and exciting at the same time, but I know that I refuse to go back to living a life of restraint, fear, compromise, and mediocrity. God does not want us to live on scraps of love and scraps of a life. He wants us to climb aboard his plan for our lives, strap ourselves securely into him, trust that his plans are good and will glorify him, and that his power knows no bounds… not even because we aren’t enough for him, but because as fully surrendered humans, he can reveal his plan through us to the world.
STRAP IN TO YOUR FAITH IN GOD. You need nothing else and can take nothing else with you, so let it all go. Seriously, let everything else go and SURRENDER it to the Lord Jesus Christ. Your marriage, your kids, your job, your house, your education, your stuff…. lay it all down and then climb aboard, because it will be the ride of your life!
If you need encouragement and prayer, you are welcome to reach out to me. I am not the only one who God has equipped to walk with others who are struggling, so find your person if you don’t want to reach out to me. FIND YOUR TRIBE that will lift you up, that will tell you when you’re walking off God’s path, that will be real with you, and that will give you grace and kindness.
These are the last days of the existence of this world as we know it, and God’s amazing ride, His Kingdom Glory, is now being loaded with his faithful and surrendered followers. Lay your bags down and strap in. Trust him and become who you were created to be. Please don’t let this opportunity pass you by!