We all tend to retreat at times, mentally finding refuge in the familiar and the comfortable. We take solace in thought patterns that have been ingrained within us, or maybe there is no solace there at all, but our minds take us to that place regardless. Our retreat is a “turtle shell” or a “cave” of protection and isolation, and it can be a lonely and frustrating place as we wait and hope for the right person to draw us out, someone who is safe, nurturing, and loving. Sometimes we will peek our head out and then overreact or get startled, just to withdraw and get frustrated at ourselves for ruining our chance to be understood and finally “seen.”
Challenging our habits, our coping mechanisms, and our natural tendencies to respond in certain ways takes work, but that is how we grow and heal as people. As humans we are all surrounded by traumatizing experiences, offenses, hurts, and mistakes made, and I think we all have a “shell” that we either regularly retreat to or are trying to stick our neck out from. Everyone’s shell is uniquely their own, and God designed it specifically for us.
Follow me into the cave in your mind…
I’d like us each to think about our “shell”… the place that we retreat to for comfort, protection, and familiarity when the world gets chaotic and stressful. As we think about it, we can allow it to expand around us in our minds to the size of a larger cave. In this place, we have likely been there often enough and spent enough time there to have decorated and furnished it with our favorite things.
What have you placed in your shell that makes you feel comforted and brings you peace? (Take a few minutes and picture it around you.)
Unfortunately, we have all added things in our private shell/cave that don’t bring us peace or comfort, like the “record player” that drones on and on with the voices of people who said something negative that stuck in our mind, the lies that the Enemy speaks which we believe are true, the memories of moments where someone did something that felt unforgivable, and the things that we’ve done and struggle to forgive ourselves for.
What does your record player of voices and memories play that don’t make you feel comforted or peaceful? (Don’t spend too much time on this question until you’ve reached the end of this story.)
We have each been given our own cave in our mind to retreat to, find comfort in, or battle our emotions within, and it is the human condition that we have a desire to want someone to love us in that place of solace. So often it seems that we are frustrated that our cave is the way that it is, but then we don’t want to put in the work to get rid of our unhealthy internal “records” that are droning on and on with negative messages of doubt, fear, pain, and unforgiveness. On our own, we simply do what we have always done, and our shell or cave is a reflection of that, whether it is chaotic and undisciplined, or orderly and cold.
Waiting at the entrance of our cave is one who stands and knocks, one who is patiently waiting to be invited in to spend time with us. He is a master of organization, supernatural healing, a guide to forgiveness, a master of grace, and the embodiment of love, and he wants to serve us for free in this space that is uniquely ours. No mess is too big, and he doesn’t judge us for what it looks like now because he knows how beautiful it will look when he is finished with it. Jesus Christ is the one who stands and knocks, and when we allow him to enter into our cave with us to the extent of him moving in, he brings peace beyond understanding to the corners of our mind.
NOTE from the author: It took me days of intentionally retreating to my “turtle shell” of old, but this time I invited Jesus into this space with me. It took me five days with Christ alone to realize that we are designed by God to heal and grow in that space, but that we often choose to hide in fear and self-protection in that place. The shell makes us feel lonely when we don’t allow others who are safe to simply sit with us in that space of healing, but most of all, we feel loneliness because we aren’t allowing Jesus full access to heal our innermost thoughts. My challenge to you is to invite Jesus in, and intentionally retreat to your shell/cave with him. Ask him to go through your stack of “records” with you, smashing any that are not based on Biblical truth, and handing him the records of hurt, pain and trauma as you let them go with a forgiving heart. He will even help you add new records to your collection of Scriptures, God’s promises, and his voice speaking your identity in him. When someone else knocks at the entrance of your cave, turn to Jesus and ask him to show you their heart and their intent. Invite those in who have a heart to love you with a pure heart, because they are an asset to assessing your cave as they speak truth gracefully to you. Holy Spirit will bring you the right people as you spend time with Jesus who are strong enough to give you a shoulder to cry on and compassionate enough to dry your tears, so just trust in his timing and heal with Jesus in the meantime. ~with love, Steph