I’m lying here in the darkness after awakening from horrible nightmares… again. In an act of desperation, I cry out that this was never meant to be… that I was never meant to be.
What if I never fit in?
What if no one ever wants me?
What if everyone leaves?
What if everything good is always too good to be true?
What if my nightmares of being abandoned become reality?
What if, what if, what if?
STOP IT! STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT!
Breathe deep. Again, breathe deep. “What if” is a trap. I wonder why we don’t have in the English language the contraction “IFN’T”? My auto correct wants to reject it, but my heart wants to accept it.
“WHAT IF NOT” easily turns into “WHAT IFN’T” in my mind, and my spirit finds peace.
What ifn’t, what ifn’t, what ifn’t?
“What if” slowly becomes desperation when my mind goes down the rabbit hole, and “What ifn’t” assuredly brings a feeling of perfect peace that washes away my doubts and worries.
Yes, indeed… what ifn’t my life has a greater purpose that I am only partially beginning to see at this moment? What ifn’t my fears that rise in the darkness are merely lies planted by the Enemy to take my focus off what is good?
The Enemy, Satan himself, is the Father of Lies, and the gardener that plants life-taking lies that resemble truths, doubts that are backed by previous hurts, and fears of rejection that cuts deep in people’s thoughts and minds to prevent them from seeing the truth and from knowing their purpose.
Imagine your mind as a freshly tilled garden plot. Is it NOT yours to plant? You only have one, and it is in YOUR yard, right? Your mind will grow what you sow.
If you sow “What if’s”, they become full grown plants of Desperation. Desperation is a spreading weed that can rapidly choke out every other plant in your garden. It lasts for only a season, though, and it is easily killed with one very powerful weed killer, the Truth of Scripture, which is easily found in the Bible aisle at your local store, handed out by people for free, found on a forgotten shelf in your home, perhaps it’s being used as a drink coaster on your nightstand or collecting dust in a prominent place meant for visitors to see.
On a side note, just because something is easy to find, commonplace, or costs nothing doesn’t mean that it has no value. Love, for instance, is the most valuable treasure one can give and receive. God is love, and he is so much more than that, which you will come to know if you spend time reading the Bible, which is precious and valuable and provides the only road map to heaven and a lifetime of assurance and truth. But I digress… back to the word “IFN’T “ which came to my mind along with my nightmares in the darkness.
The Truth of Scripture, the Bible, is a priceless and powerful weed killer that transforms What if’s into What ifn’t’s, Desperation into Transformation, and Death into Life.
Your mind is your garden.
Your thoughts are the plants that grow.
Take care of your garden, and be intentional about it, so you can feel good about the condition of what it looks like when your days of gardening have come to an end. When you return to the soil at the end of your days, what will others remember about your garden? Was it fruitful? What will the master gardener, God himself, have to say about how well you paid attention to the lifetime of lessons and learning opportunities he gave to you?
Only you possess the power to transform your “What If’s” into “What Ifn’t’s.” What are you waiting for? Take authority over your thoughts, you know where to find the map, and it’s not a secret. It’s hidden in plain sight, and Satan is not going to be happy that I have so simply told you how to have the most fruitful, gorgeous, joyful, and peaceful garden that you can ever imagine.
Not today, Satan, I laugh. Not today. I am going to spend time with Jesus in my garden and drift back to sleep. No more nightmares. Only sweet dreams await me as I choose to focus on the “What ifn’t’s.”
(Originally posted by Steph on Medium.com, May 26, 2023)