Looking at the world through your eyes, through your filters, through your pain, and through your expectations based on past experiences is just what we humans tend to do. We often assume that others think similarly to how we do and expect that how we respond to life is what others ought to do as well. We often project our feelings on others, our annoyances, our shame, and normalize our tendencies to cope in unhealthy ways. Even people that see themselves as “good” easily fall into the trap of comparing themself to others, judging and condemning those that struggle in certain ways that we view as being unacceptable.
In relationships with others, we gravitate toward people who are similar to ourselves and have mindsets like ours. One interesting factor this results in is that we perpetuate more of what we are thinking and inspire more of the same in what happens around us and to us. If we walk around with a victim mentality, for instance, we will only see the world from the perspective that we are unable to control the things that happen to us rather than realizing that we are accountable for what we do, which in turn can impact the things that happen around us. Some things are out of our control, of course, but we still remain responsible for how we respond to things that happen to us.
Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. Romans 8:5-6 NIV
If we consider ourselves to be Christians, then we are one who tries to live as a “little Christ,” and Holy Spirit is in those of us that have faith in him. If we are living in accordance with the Spirit, our minds are set on what the Spirit desires, and we then live in peace with others. Judging and condemning others is not peaceful, and neither is projecting our expectations and shame on others. Life as a Christian, then, should look COMPLETELY different than one who lives with their mind set on what we desire rather than what the Spirit desires.
You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ. But if Christ is in you, then even though your body is subject to death because of sin, the Spirit gives life because of righteousness. Romans 8:9-10 NIV
Since, as a human, we look at the world through our eyes and allow it to frame our thoughts about others, this greatly impacts our relationships with others. We immediately dismiss some people because they are so different from us, while others we elevate to positions of greater importance in our life. Either way, God did not create us to respond and act like that toward each other, and both discrimination and idolatry are sinful in his eyes. God wants us to put our relationship with him first in our lives, which means to make him a higher priority than even our spouse or children.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. Romans 8:28-30 NIV
If we desire a healthy relationship with anyone, then it would be best to model it with peace, unity and forgiveness at the forefront. If we put aside our own tendencies and let Holy Spirit lead us, then our relationships will be improved automatically. Easy, right?! If we weren’t born as sinful, selfish humans because of the Fall in Genesis, it would be SO easy! Since we live in a fallen world, though, dying to ourselves and surrendering to Christ is an ongoing battle as long as we’re alive on earth. The good news is that the closer we are to God, the more natural it becomes, and he has given us a helper in Holy Spirit and has redeemed our sins by sending his son, Jesus Christ.
Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Romans 8: 33-34 NIV
If we believe that no one is to condemn us because Jesus died for us, then did he not also die for others around us? If we believe that we are able to live with Holy Spirit’s peace through us, then are not others able to do that as well?
On a broader scale, it’s fairly easy for Christians to realize that we are not the ONLY son or daughter that God chose for Christ Jesus to redeem as his own. But… what about that person in church that doesn’t seem too happy to be there? What about the person in the pickup line at school who says they’re a Christian but often yells at her kids? What about your spouse who left his dirty clothes on the floor for the millionth time, surely just to annoy you, you tell yourself? What about your children who bicker with each other and refuse to do something when you ask?
Let’s go back to the verses in Romans 8:28-30. If God works in all things for the good of those who love him and who have been called according to his purpose, then is he not doing for the people that challenge your patience and ability to love as well? Surely I am not the only one who has made mistakes in life, only to learn never to do that again. What if these people are not as far along in their Christian walk as you are? What if they are simply stuck in misguided beliefs or unforgiveness that Satan continues to whisper in their ear? What if God has predestined them for great things but is developing them to be stronger so that they will be ready to release from all their bondages when the time is right?
We are called to love others, even the difficult ones. God calls us to even love the most difficult ones that you see the most often — those that live with you. Your spouse and your children have their own lens that they see life through, and they have the same possibility of receiving Holy Spirit to guide them as you do. Have you thought about that? Have you thought about how Holy Spirit teaches EACH one of us? There is no discrimination or bias in the Kingdom of God, so therefore Holy Spirit guides and gives new insight to young and old alike, boys and girls, men and women, and black and white.
And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. Romans 8:28-30 NIV
Holy Spirit is there for your spouse… not just you.
Holy Spirit is there for your child… not just you.
Holy Spirit is there for your teenager… not just you.
Holy Spirit is there for your adult child… not just you.
Holy Spirit is there for your parent… not just you.
Holy Spirit is there for your pastor… not just you.
Holy Spirit is there for the judgmental lady at church… not just you.
So, whose plan is this life anyway? Is it yours? Or is it God’s? Let’s cut each other some slack, listen to each others’ stories, value what everyone has to say, and be kind to each other. Let’s all do our part to make the world a better place to live, with Christ shining through us in love and faith. And remember… God loves your children and is able to equip them for the future even better than you can, so be careful not to project your insecurities onto them. God has a unique purpose for each one of us, so encourage others to get to know their Father so that he can show them what he has in mind for their life. Only God knows the future, you do not. Let your children grow and don’t hold them back from what God has for them. Be the best parent that you can be by guiding them and letting them go gradually as they grow, both in life and in their faith.