How much space do I take up in this world? Is that measurement of space justified in what I do and what I offer to the world in return? And what does this space look like to others? Are they nervous that the space taken up by me and my angel army seems to be getting too big? Or do people even notice, as they seem to be so busy thinking about how what I do impacts their own space?
I used to apologize for taking up space, both emotional and physical space, but I had never thought about apologizing for taking up spiritual space. Why didn’t I ever apologize for that?
When I was in my apologizing era of a nearly fifty year span of space in time, I didn’t actually take up any measurable spiritual space. I believed what religious people told me, I followed the guides of Bible Study authors, I let Christian music lead me, and I let the “records” in my head of what people told me play on without stopping, telling me if I was good or bad, worthy or worthless, and successful or inadequate. My spiritual space wasn’t measurable because it wasn’t my own to measure, it was borrowed, copied, and counterfeited.
Until I surrendered all of myself to God, freely filling God’s portion of the spiritual space he wants me to manage at each and every moment, I didn’t think that my spiritual space was large enough to even impact others. And it wasn’t, because spiritual space exists in having a relationship with Jesus Christ. I didn’t apologize for taking up spiritual space because I would slink back to what I could see and understand, feeling that it was my emotional and physical space that was getting in people’s way.
The spiritual space that I now realize God gives us to fill is so massive that it is impossible for people that meet someone who is filled with Holy Spirit not to notice that something sets them apart. People see a human that is filled with patience, peace, joy, compassion, and love, often not even realizing that what they are seeing is a reflection of God himself.
I no longer apologize for taking up space, because taking up space is part of being human. It makes no sense anymore to apologize for being something that I have no control over, because then I’m just apologizing that my Maker made me “TOO”… too big, too loud, too much, too quiet, too weak, too shaky, too honest, too talkative, and on and on depending on my mood, so I don’t. Besides, God didn’t make any of us “TOO” anything, because he made us exactly the way he wanted us to be.
Do others notice the transformation in me from being the person that I thought I needed to be, to diving in to discover the person that God made me to be? I don’t know if anyone notices or not, because so few people are bold enough to address concerns to me in person, and if someone doesn’t come to me directly, I discard their voice immediately anyway. I’m only me, and I’m just doing the best I can to listen to God’s voice and no one else.
No more apologies for taking up space, even if I’m realizing more and more that the space that God created me to take up cannot be ignored. Every day my plea is the same, “Increase my portion, Lord. Fill my cup, pour it out on others. Increase my portion, and fill it up again.” Over and over, day by day, for more than a year, my portion has grown along with with my ability to listen to God’s instruction on how to share it with others.
I love to love others! Through hugs, words of encouragement, acts of service, and honest heart-to-heart deep conversations, the space I take up and share with others grows larger and larger every day. Jesus has filled my space with an indescribable peace, a burning desire to follow God’s truth, and a joy for loving others that I could never have imagined when I let others define my identity rather than my Creator.
We were not created to stay the same, we were created to grow. Growing means learning to take up space in all ways… emotional, physical and spiritual. Growing results in learning what space is ours to manage and what is not. Growth is understanding that when we are following God’s ways, we owe people an apology only when we have done something apart from God, and inadvertently stepped on someone’s pain in the process. I apologize for things often enough now because I make mistakes and fall short in my human sinfulness all the time, but I won’t apologize for how God made me, speaking in truth and love, and standing up to Satan’s lies and his evil plans for our destruction and death.
El Elyon, God Most High, with Jesus as my advocate, I ask in his name that you continue to increase the size of my portion along with your will. In return, I offer you all that I am, all that I was, and all that I will be, as a vessel for your love. I vow to care for your people, encourage your children, unify us as one body of believers, and to listen to your voice with obedience and reverence. ~ Your servant daughter, me
“Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it. If you love me, keep my commands. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them.” John 14:12-21