Healing from emotional wounds is not a linear process. I wish it was like…
Pour tears, feel relief.
Pound my fists on the ground, feel more powerful.
Pray, feel complete peace.
Pretend that my heart doesn’t hurt anymore?
No, it’s not like that at all. It’s more like waves of emotions that overtake me without warning…
Waves of fear.
Waves of sadness.
Waves of joy.
Waves of overwhelm.
Waves of Holy Spirit fire in my soul.
Waves of love and peace.
And then in comes another wave of all the emotions, mixed together, continually tossing sea glass and shells on the sand and then just as quickly pulling them back into the deep water.
Emotional wounds aren’t like a broken bone that’s either visibly broken or whole, and emotional wounds don’t leave a scar for all to see as a reminder of the deep injuries that were sustained. Without visual evidence, will anyone believe that it really happened? What if I am healed to such a state that I bear no scars of my emotional traumas? Is that even possible? Will God be able to use my story just as powerfully to reach others if I can make it through the retelling without crying?
Maybe healing doesn’t need to be linear, and maybe waves are less likely to destroy me if I relax and ride them rather than planting my feet like an anchor and try not to move.
Let go and let God. Let healing happen a little at a time.
Close my eyes.
Let the tears fall.
Breathe in… Breathe out.
Feel the fire of giving and receiving love in my chest.
Am I healed? Not today.
Am I healing? Most certainly.
Do I know my healer? Yes. Yes, I do.
I whisper and smile, “Thank you, Jesus.”
Healing isn’t linear, healing is an infinity symbol with no beginning and no end… just like my healer.
(Originally posted by Steph on Medium.com on May 11, 2023)